Im tired. His sending me a text message screwed with my head. I feel like all this suffering Im going through is both a.) confirmation of his notion that I am somehow unstable (I was in love, you morom) amd b.) entirely disproportionate to the facts at hand.
This whole no contact thing is absolute bullshit, and it is the cowards way out of getting out of something that wont work. I hate this - and I will never ever ever ever ever get involved with someone who is an emotionally unevolved as this guy.
I dont even wish him well anymore. I hope he marries a nice italian girl and lives a life of abject misery.
Im tired of hurting like this. I am tired of crying. I am tired of not sleeping.
I didnt think I was that much in love with him. God am I dumb.
Worse than all of this, is that somewhere in the back of my mind, I really believe I got manipulated into breaking up with him, just so he wouldnt have to deal with my tears.
Tomorrow, I need to pull it all together... because I have a thousand things that are far more important than this boy. I have my son, my job, and a ton of people who love me and are really concerned about me.
No more dreams, lord. No more seeing him as he could be, seeing his inner self. A man must be judged on his actions, and his actions say he doesnt want me, never loved me, and would have continued using me as long as I allowed it. Fuck it.
I forgive you, Ale. And Im sorry. I made a mistake. I thought you were something you are not, and next time, I will know better.
Its basta.
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