dreaming again

Last night, Lisandro babysat me. He took me out, got me drunk, brought me home, spanked me soundly, and put me to bed.

My last thoughts before I went to sleep is that I will be okay, I have a lot of love in my life, many many people who care for me, provide for me, and they do it without fear of punishment nor hope of reward. I will go on, I can love others, I will have sex again, and it won't be "bad" just because its not him.

I woke up after a few hours of sleep. Lisandro tucked me back into bed, and left... and then I had a dream.

I was packing my things, preparing to get on an airplane. I was packing my things away... and Ale's father showed up. He asked me why I was packing, and why I wasn't with his son.

I poured out the whole sad story - that I loved him, but he didnt want to be a couple, and that I needed an adult in my life, and he just didnt want to grow up. I told him all about my life, that I have a son, and a home - and I wanted a friend and a companion, and that Ale just couldnt do it. I told him I missed him with all my heart, and I asked him to please say goodbye for me.

He asked why I didnt call him and tell him myself, and I explained that I deleted his number, and I could not reach him. He said "Come with me", and we got in his car, and began driving - and we pulled up to a house, and I tried to duck down in the back seat, but Ale got in next to me and smiled, and kissed me and said "Ciao, povera".....

Then, they asked if I had time to see something before I needed to leave, and suddenly we were in a Gondola in a canal, and it was beautiful, and the canal was full of magical animals, and the most beautiful birds, and mythical animals.

We pulled up to a house, and Ale helped me out of the boat, and I thought to myself "This boy has been very well raised" - and as we were walking up to this house, he asked me how I had spent our little time apart, and I just looked at him... and he rephrased it, and asked, Ok, who did you see during our time apart, and I just replied "friends" - and he laughed, and we walked into the door, and I woke up.

I do not know if this is a true dream, or just wishful thinking. But it was sweet, and it was sad, and it certainly held much truth.... and, at least the first steps - packing my bags, and telling the truth must happen. With no hope at all that he will 'come around' in the end...