I did it all wrong

Fuck. I called him. I'm being screened. I knew not to call him, to leave him alone to his own process....

If I wasnt prepared for this, I shouldnt have broken up with him. But - I havent broken up with anyone since the 6th grade. And when I was 12, breaking up felt like the most freeing thing to do.

Somehow, I thought if I ran away from this, I would be suddenly free of it, you know?

I thought I could just close the door on the feelings I have for him, and all the conflict of him being uncertain.

And now... somehow, I need to just give it up. Im free. He's free. Its over. And chances are great that I will never see him again. And somehow, I MUST make it okay with me.

I give up. God? Help me out here. I'm really bad at surrender.

I release him to his own higher good. I am free.