But I wasnt done yet....

The thing I hate most in this world is to DO NOTHING. To not try and push, change, do, fix, repair, talk - anything. Just to do SOMETHING to make everything ok.

But sometimes you talk, and you push, and you try and you try and somehow, nothing you do or say carries any authority, and nothing you try makes any difference at all... the ONLY thing you can DO is to do nothing at all.

I want to call him, (thank god I deleted his number), I want to IM him (I have not deleted him, I want to know he is still on the same planet... ) - but anything I do is something, and now I need to do nothing.

Because, honestly, I wasn't done yet. This relationship wasn't done yet. This relationship ISN'T done yet. We havent been to Barcelona, we have never been to Paris. I never showed him "The Power of Myth" and we never went skiing together.

But.... the path we were on, those things were not going to happen anyway. I had to get off the path, and hope, and pray that he follows me.

I think he loves me. I KNOW what he said.... that he thinks that being in love means you want to be with that person all the time. But there is one exception to that rule.... which is "unless you are scared of making a commitment"..... Because, no matter how much you might love someone, if you are unsure of being in a relationship, whether or not you love someone doesnt change the running away.

Because otherwise, it makes no sense. He didnt want out. He wanted to stay with me. He wanted me to stay. And it wasnt just for the sex.

But I couldnt be his whore. I could not keep wanting wanting wanting and not getting what I needed.

So, please Ale... trust me. PLEASE think about this, Please call me. Because I am not done. There are too many things left to do. We have an adventure to go on.

I know this is probably all magical thinking. Hoping this will all work out, and we will be back together is embarrassing. But its what I want, but not on his terms.... not with a label on my head that says "temporary"....

In any case, at least I can breathe again.

PS - I wish a friend would not give me any more advice. I feel stupid enough as it is.