Mornings are the worst

I've been able over the last 2 days to start seeing things a little more clearly - by the end of the day.

But when I wake up in the morning, its like starting all over again. I feel a weight on my chest, I feel this immense sadness, I wish he would call me and say he's changed his mind - he's not done yet either, and he would like to see where this adventure takes us.

And then, I have to remind myself; For all his beauty, for all his gentleness, he is a coward. He is not brave. He set me up to do the dirty work here, so I would have to be responsible for breaking my own heart, because he couldnt bear to do it.

It takes courage to grow up, it takes courage to love one another, it takes courage to walk away.

I had a right to expect my love to be returned. I had a right to expect that in a relationship, you have it together. I had a right to expect, from a year long partner, that when I reached out - he would be there.

He had no right to keep me in this if he didn't really want to be here.

I remember, when I was clear that I was falling hard, requesting that he end a story.
He replied "I can't do that, because she loves me"

That is the voice of a child.