The law of attraction

Oct 23rd, 2007


Earlier today, I wrote about my Kafkaesque yesterday, where there was this swirl of inexplicable melodrama, apparently not of my own making. The characters involved in this farce were unrelated to me by several degrees - yet, suddenly all this "ick" is invading my life.

* Ick is what we say in parts of the US when something is gross. Ick (or ich) is also this slimy disease that fish get where they ooze puss and drop dead. Either way, the word is appropriate.

Now, I tend to believe in the notion that the things that appear in your life are things that you are somehow attracting.. This is a very white, western, middle class view of the world (being that it is just as likely that life is random and purposeless....) but I am going to proceed on this theory.

Yesterday, random people showed up in my life to mess with my head. The details are not important - but both of these incidents were ridiculously bizarre, bordering on the insane. What they had in common is that both scripts involved people whom I have never met. Both sucked energy and joy out of my day and left me confused and drained.

I went to sleep feeling like the collateral damage of a bad cosmic joke gone wrong.

Had this been an aberrant experience, I would simply shake my head and think that some days are like this, even in Australia. But the truth is, I have felt like I have been in someone else's dream for quite some time.

If I look at my inner life right now, I shouldn't be too surprised. I do not know if this is part and parcel of the dark night experience, or if this is what follows the end of an important love affair, or if these are just things you experience because you are human...

However, my entire being, essense, soul, mind, and body are out of whack at the moment - and I am uncomfortable in my own skin.

I am restless. I have the energy of an adolescent teenage boy - and all of it just as undirected and unfocused and nearly violent. I am anxious and edgy and insatiable - it feels like I have itching powder on my inner being. I cannot sit still, and my mind is never quiet.

I have these huge appetites for food, for sex, for ...life. But all of it is just unsatisfying. I drink, but alcohol doesnt seem to touch me. I smoke, but this altered state - once to relaxing - now simply makes me more nervous. I read, I watch TV, I attempt to distract myself, but I cannot sit still.

My energy - my being, is so intense right now that I put anyone who gets to close to me on edge. I am not, at this point in time, a relaxing person to be around. People generally like me a lot, but right now it seems that only dogs and children can stand me.

So, I do not suppose it is any wonder than I am attracting the insane and bizzarre. The problem is that I simply do not know what to do with it, nor what to do about it.

I assume that my best course of action would be to simply sit with this - to sit quietly with this nervous anxious energy. There is no use in responding to either what I am creating or attracting, because my energy and tension only prolong and magnify the situations I am finding myself in. Unfortunately, I seem to lack the self discipline and impulse control to not do SOMETHING, even if those things I do are directly contrary to my own self interest. .

I have no discernment at the moment as to what is important or not. I cannot force my mind to pay attention long enough to distinguish between those things that require action, and those things best not messed with.

And I wonder, is this experience indicative of a block of flow in my life, or is this energy like the rush of water when a dam is opened?

In any case, I hope this adolescent experience is over soon, because I am tired of spinning in circles, and don't have the space at the moment to be attracting the insane.